questions....

WHY's

why am I afraid of commitment even though HE gave all he has?

Why am I so bothered with thoughts that it will end?

Why am I feeling defeated all the time we got together?

Why am I afraid of thinking of future with him, though I like it when he dreamed of me?

Why am I fond of... not a happy ending story?

Why am I feel helpless with him?

Why do I feel so vulnerable?

Why I fall for him...and I am afraid of it?

Never Learned!

Yesterday I was defenseless like I'm drugged again....I don't know why I can stop it even though I know its wrong. Slash the loyalty out of my beloved. If they knew this, for sure they won't forgive me! but how can I keep myself from betraying my passion....passion? Does it exist in a earthly lass like me?

I doubt it all...I doubt that I can make it all through the end.....I doubt that its just my youth to blame...I doubt why I exist...I doubt if I will be able, not to cling when the right time comes..I DOUBT THE DECISIONS I've made!..:/

Grateful things this week 2

SUNDAY

• thanks god I didn't come late for work!
• my employer trust me for the production of his businesscard
• We finished packaging the training videos of Shakey's pizza

MONDAY

• We don't have ecology!
• a car stop for me to make a way
• my employer offered me to eat breakfast with them.

TUESDAY

• I got early to school! whew!
• thanks god it is raining!
• the class is suspended after economics!

WEDNESDAY

• we don't have classes...I was save from muddy streets!
• my mom and I dined out together!
• I sleep early!

THURSDAY

• It's Melvin Birthday!
• everybody gave a look at my outfit! they say it's awesome!
• I eat again the same noodle I ate with mom yesterday with My  someOne!

FRIDAY

• I skipped breakfast...lucky I hid the "palabok" inside the bag of Divine!
• I miss the shuttlecock.....don't means I don't have to sweat a lot!
• I was with My someOne alone...hehehe...Melvin said "para-paraan"

SATURDAY

• I came late for work but luckily...my boss didn't get mad whew!
• My customer call me by my name!
• Lucky I'm not short in the sales today!

gratefull things this week!

SUNDAY

• Got lucky the customer didn't stay till wee hours!
• I got to sleep past one o'clock still I'm thankful!
• i train new set of  co-employee

Monday

• A by passer help me to close the gate!
• Our professor is absent.
• The each one in the class shares about facts about themselves. 

TUESDAY

• I just got on time as my name called....whew!!
• I understand the lessons fast!
• i went home safely

WEDNESDAY

• I'm able to sleep 'till noon!
• I ate ice cream!
• I already bought a new pad of yellow paper (1st money I got from mom this last couple of months)

THURSDAY

• Lucky me1 I answered the oral recitation!
• My outfit make the day!
• I was interviewed by TV5 by chance

FRIDAY

• I didn't get late1
• I avoided the cat's stool.
• I went home safe!

SATURDAY

• I got my day off (lying w/ the excuse)
• I greet him...for his special day!
• I save my face from his tease!

Happy Birthday! Panda!

Even though I'm tired of Yesterday's activities....I still enjoy it!

I brave the kitchen for the first time for him...the result - an epic fail bunch of chocolate cake!

After eating we went t Shoe Mart North EDSA and we watch TRANSFORMERS 3....(his choice).

After the movie we went to their house and I ate rice cakes which his mom made! The rice cake is superb! though I just grab a few bites 'coz We're already full!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PANDA!

.

my time....

on Saturday, November 20, 2010 at 9:25pm

time.... is too short because I'm in joy,




time... is too long because I'm in sorrow




time... is too swift because I'm in fear,






time.... is too slow because I'm in wait,




but.......


time...is eternal because I'm in LOVE!






...that is, if you are PART my TIME

To the man I love..!

A letter for Him

on Friday, June 10, 2011 at 9:03pm

--panda--

I existed for 17 years trusting no one but myself… I cried because of a lost…I swear to myself, never fall, too much…I was completely perplexed in the month of June 2010 – the time, wherein I don’t have the slightest idea of devoting myself again after my catastrophic past.

Everything seems ordinary:
THAT DAY…It seems to me THAT DAY will past just like YESTERDAY …I’m wronged, that very day seems the START. All the days I’ve spent before that very day…keeps on haunting me with questions, “Do I really live my life the way it should be?”And “Did I just continue living out of grief?”

I do not know if I get the answers from these questions, the next thing I know is that, I completely fell in your aphrodisiac spell something that great Eros formulate out of passion. I gone to compete with Ares hand on hand but you’re the only one who beat me out of love. I continue to go out of control…but I’m afraid it will all end!

I never want to love you with predictable end…neither to lose you in unpredictable way. I live all of my 17 years not knowing how to love unconditionally. You’re the man I love second to my ORIGIN…I’m afraid – I’M AFRAID that somehow, someway…you will be like him. I’m afraid that this love will become extinct and leave no marks in the history of the Earth.

The only thing that consoles these FEARS is our bold castles in the air...I do not know if you are serious to live in those and make it come true… For God sake! I believe you...I trust you! Even though I trust you – it is still humane for me to doubt it? Is it? Will I live the life you’ve promised me? Should I just live on my past or continue to live my life in the future loving you?

Please tell me what to do…I’m no t the only person to decide because, I’ve been out of my mind since I start loving you!


--lab--

'meg'

Nobody knows me...but I'm sure I have my origin.

I don't believe that I am an accident...I am a gift. Though I'm a product of sin but, I'm proud to say I am worthy to be loved. I regret nothing and I plan to keep it as long as I live.

They sinned against a woman and its children.

why?

Doubt

When we plunged together into the worldly pleasures...I didn't feel loved rather, I feel cheated. Maybe I'm just too romantic and novels are my only resources. Inexperienced it may seem but, it's the instinct that directs me.I'm filled with "why's?"

Why won't he speak the magic words when we're into it?

Why after?

Does it weights more?

Are we doing this out of love or lust?

Love and lust are two words that is too easily mistaken.I'm being cautious since puberty but, I FAIL to do so. Maybe I'm too independent or lack of guidance from my parent. I can't blame her, she's the only one around that I still have.

I thought all of this roots from the absence of my father...I only have my mother after me this last 10 years of my existence. I'm longing for presence of a man.That's why when HE came I easily swept off of my feet.

I'm starting to doubt and that is all!